


What Happens in the Hearthroom, Stays in the Hearthroom

by banditess



Series: A Funny Thing Happened in the Afterlife [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alcohol, Ardyn Being A Creeper, Drunken Kissing, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Post-Game, Strip Tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10008905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banditess/pseuds/banditess
Summary: Ardyn and Noctis are drunk as hell on magic wine, so of course Ardyn decides he's going to strip for Noct. Shenanigans ensue.Post-game AU - please beware spoilers for the whole game.This is part of myBackseat FishingAU and is supposed to take place immediately after Chapter 7, but it is a just-for-fun side piece that is NOT part of the AU's main story. In fact, I don't feel like you really need to have read the main fic at all to enjoy this, although you might be wondering about a few details. ;)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nickofhearts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickofhearts/gifts).



> This piece is dedicated to [nickofhearts](http://archiveofourown.org/users/nickofhearts/pseuds/nickofhearts), whose amazing works sent me down the Ardynoct rabbit hole that I currently find myself in. Thank you for all of your great writing, your love on my works, and our fantastic conversations! ♥
> 
> For best results, please listen to this song either before or during the reading of this fic: [Blackbella - I Touch Myself](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enIALJ52i_Y)

_Worse than Gralean piss-water_ , Ardyn had called it.  
  
To Noct, the liquor tasted like the cheap, one-cup booze he and Prompto used to snag illegally when they were underage. They jimmied it out of the vending machines hidden down the back alleys of Insomnia -- the ones that sold soda, and tea...and Ebony. Noct smiled bittersweetly, remembering bygone times. That stuff had burned like Ifrit’s own Hellfire going down, and this was the same. Hellfire and the acrid flavor of mixed berries.  
  
It took more than a few minutes for the magic wine to fully sink into their systems, though it hit like a freight train once it had. Luna bid the men goodnight and retired for the evening, citing the wine’s effects and feeling the deep need to curl up in a pile of soft blankets. Surely they would not begrudge the Queen her wish for soft blankets? Noctis, whose own body was suddenly feeling simultaneously lighter _and_ heavier, and was really not quite sure how that was even possible, said goodnight to his wife and watched as she left the room. Pryna nudged at Luna’s ankles to ensure she kept walking in a straight line. The King wasn’t worried; he knew she was in good hands...er, paws.  
  
“My, my...” Ardyn purred, sinking further into the chair. “What will we do to amuse ourselves now?”  
  
Noct only barely heard the Chancellor -- it felt like his head was buzzing on another frequency altogether from the rest of his body. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the leather couch, as though doing so would re-align his various wavelengths.  
  
When he opened his eyes, Ardyn was looming over him, bracing himself against the couch back with his arms on either side of Noct’s head. His face was close to Noct’s -- _too_ close -- and if Noct hadn’t been drinking the exact same booze Ardyn had been, he probably would have sneered at the smell of alcohol coming off of him. As it stood though, they both just reeked together.  
  
“Bahamut’s balls, Ardyn,” Noct swore, “The fuck’re you doing, man? Scared the crap outta me.”  
  
Ardyn traced Noct’s jawline with an index finger, continuing up his chin, stopping when he reached Noct’s lower lip.  
  
“Me?” he said, lightly brushing his finger over Noct’s lip. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, Noct. I was only sitting over there, _stunned_ by your beauty, and I just _had_ to come take a closer look.”  
  
“Ardyn, you’ve seen me like…a _million_ times before,” he reached up and clumsily batted away the Chancellor’s hand.  
  
“Oh, but this time feels so _special_ , Noct. Don’t you _feel_ it? I can feel it in my _teeth_ ,” he stood up straight, running his tongue over the canines and molars in question.  
  
“Chancellor Izunia,” said the King, “You’re _drunk as shit_.”  
  
“Oh indeed, indeed I am. I warned you that might be the case. Isn’t it grand?” The Chancellor attempted to twirl in place, but instead collided hard with the corner of the glass table as he turned around. He cursed loudly and bent over to rub his shin, putting his ass squarely in Noct’s field of vision.  
  
_Maybe if he didn’t wear so many_ godsdamn _layers_ , Noct thought, _someone could actually_ tell __if he had a nice ass.  
  
Ardyn, said ass still very much in the air, looked back at the King with a devilish smirk on his face, “Oh _Noct_ , if you were _curious_ about my ass, all you had to do was _ask_ …”  
  
“Wha-?” said Noct. A pause. “Fuck, did I…Did I say that shit _out loud_? _Gods_ , I’m hammered.” He slowly rubbed his face with his hands, as though trying to push the alcohol out through his pores by force.  
  
The Chancellor stood up, holding his arms out to his sides for balance as he wobbled slightly. Still facing away from Noctis, Ardyn began to remove his longcoat. He nudged each shoulder off and then started to shimmy the black coat slowly down his back, pausing to look seductively over his shoulder at the King once he’d worked it down to his waist.  
  
Noctis blinked.  
  
“Ardyn Izunia, I am a _married man_.”  
  
“You certainly are, but did your Crownsguard have the opportunity to throw you a _bachelor party_ beforehand?”  
  
“Well, no, but…”  
  
Abruptly, Ardyn pulled his arms out of his coat-sleeves and tossed the cumbersome garment away. He turned towards Noctis, then leaned over the King on his leather couch throne, once again with his hands on either side of Noct’s head.  
  
“Consider this my gift to you, then,” he whispered in Noct’s ear. Noctis felt an involuntarily pull, a warmth deep within him that roused at the sound of Ardyn’s voice. He swallowed hard in response.  
  
Ardyn pushed off from the couch and rose to his full height. Somehow, Noct thought, he seemed even _taller_ than normal. After the longcoat, the next garment to go was the belted overvest. He undid the ornate silver clasp from its ties and let it hang momentarily while he fiddled clumsily with the buttons on the slate-and-red vest. Eventually, the buttons came undone, revealing _another_ vest with _another_ set of buttons.  
  
“Aren’t you supposed to, I dunno, _show some skin_ when you strip,” Noctis teased, grinning from ear to ear. He was feeling warm, but woozy too, and while his body was mostly light, his eyelids were beginning to grow heavier with each passing minute.  
  
The auburn-haired man smiled, removing the first vest and slowly, very slowly, letting it fall to the ground. He kicked it aside, nearly fell over, and kept on going like nothing had happened. “Mm, so impatient,” he said, chuckling softly, “Good things come to those who wait, dear Noctis.”  
  
Ardyn gripped the bottom of the second, striped gray vest and turned around so that his back was facing Noct. Swaying to and fro as though dancing to a tune only he could hear, he pulled something out of his pocket -- a small length of black string? Noct wasn’t sure he wanted to know where the Chancellor had gotten that from. Ardyn reached up to tie back his shaggy hair into a loose, messy ponytail.  
  
Noctis sucked in a breath. He’d never seen Ardyn with his hair pulled back before, but _Astrals Above_ if he wasn’t handsome. Like, truly _on another_ _level_ handsome. The general warm sensation from all over Noct’s body was making a very pointed journey to his groin. He put his hands in his lap, feeling his face flush with self-consciousness.  
  
Meanwhile, Ardyn was back to working on his second vest, swiveling his hips in time with his internal soundtrack. He pulled off one side of the vest, sliding it off of his left arm, and then slid the other side down his right. He tried to spin it around his finger but his intoxication proved too much, and the vest ended up tangled on his arm. He took a moment to free himself and added the garment to the swiftly growing pile of discarded clothes.  
  
Next, Ardyn laid down on the couch opposite Noct. He ran his hands down his torso, over his hips, then bent his knees one by one to bring his feet closer. Only half untying them, he removed his boots and cast them aside. Noct hadn't thought watching someone take off their shoes could be hot, but somehow the Chancellor managed to pull it off.  
  
For a moment Ardyn was so still on the couch Noct thought maybe he had fallen asleep, but suddenly he jolted upright and got to his feet. He unknotted his orange scarf, unwrapping the coils from his neck and letting it drape like a bright boa. He paraded around the glass table with it, shimmying his shoulders in time with his unheard melody, the ruffles of his white shirt fluttering in perfect harmony.  
  
When the song in his head had played out, he pulled on his scarf til he was holding one end, and let the other end drop to the floor. The patterns dyed into it swirled and swam in Noct’s vision.  
  
“Now then,” said Ardyn, his honey voice all the sweeter thanks to the wine, “how about some _audience participation_?”  
  
Ardyn stepped over to the couch and went to straddle Noct’s lap. Noct moved his hands out of the way, leaving them awkwardly hanging in the air, uncertain where to put them, but remembered too slowly why his hands had been there in the first place and --  
  
“Oh _Noct_ , is _this_ for _me_?” the Chancellor lightly traced the outline of Noct’s erection through his pants. Noctis very quickly found a place for his hands as he gripped the back of the couch. Ardyn laughed. “We’ll come back to that later.”  
  
Ardyn fully mounted Noct’s legs on the couch and the King gave a deep groan, both from the pleasure of the Chancellor’s body pressing against his dick and because, well, the guy was fuckin’ _heavy_. At first, Ardyn attempted to undo the ties securing the sleeves of his frilly white shirt, but having lost most of his fine motor skills to the wine, he suddenly changed plans and unceremoniously yanked the whole shirt off from the bottom instead and whipped it to the ground. Noct took in the sight of the shirtless Chancellor. The thought occurred to him that the art world had _really_ missed out when this perfectly sculpted man had been erased from history.  
  
Ardyn took one end of his scarf in each hand, wrapped it once, loosely, around Noct’s neck, and then grabbed both ends in one hand and used it to pull him in for a kiss. The feeling of the feathery silk at his throat and the softness of Ardyn’s lips on his was almost too much for Noct. Small fireworks went off behind his eyelids.  
  
“ _Fuck_ ,” said Noctis, emphatically.  
  
“Indeed,” said Ardyn, smiling, kissing him again. “Remind me why we didn’t do this sooner?”  
  
Noct raised his eyebrow, “We…were enemies?”  
  
“...Hmph. _Details_.”  
  
The Chancellor’s free hand found the bottom of Noct’s shirt and ventured under it, letting it roam up his stomach, to his chest. Noct tightened his grip on the couch and squirmed, his hips bucking slightly as Ardyn passed a thumb over his nipple. Shallow kisses became deeper, more _earnest_ ones.  
  
“ _Gods_ , what was _in_ that wine?” asked Noct, out of breath.  
  
“Don't ask _me_ , dear,” Ardyn replied, laughing, “ _You're_ the one who brewed the foul hooch.”  
  
Noct moved his hands from the couch and cradled Ardyn’s face, looking at him as though seeing him with new eyes.  
  
“You were right,” said the King. “Does feel special this time.”  
  
“Mmm,” Ardyn moaned, “I _love_ when you say I’m right. Say it _again_ , won't you Noctis?”  
  
“Nope. One-time only deal,” he patted Ardyn’s cheeks, “This is the slowest strip-tease ever, by the way. You seriously wear way too much clothing. I'm gonna fall asleep before I get to see your ass.”  
  
“Well, I will _certainly_ take your opinion into account the next time I overhaul my wardrobe, Your Majesty.”  
  
The Chancellor put his feet on the ground and stood. Noct was glad to see he wasn’t the only one who was aroused -- now that he was standing up, the silhouette of Ardyn’s cock was clear as day against the stripes of his trousers.  
  
Ardyn grinned fiendishly as he followed the King’s line of sight. “Like what you see, Noct?”  
  
He unbuttoned his trousers and began to unzip them, showing off just the barest hint of the carpet _in fact_ matching the drapes before he turned his back to Noct once more, presumably in order to finally settle the _ass matter_ once and for all…  
  
Ardyn heard a grunting sound. He turned back around and found the King, head leaned back against the couch, fast asleep and sawing the proverbial logs. He thought Noct had been _joking_ about falling asleep. As a matter of fact, he hadn't even been certain they _could_ sleep in the Beyond, so this wine must have had some very _potent_ magic abilities indeed.  
  
The Chancellor pouted slightly. After all that effort, Noct didn’t even get to see his ass. And not only that, but he’d passed out before they’d done anything more than some light making out, and now Ardyn had a _throbbing_ hard-on.  
  
Ah well, nothing else to be done about it then. This wouldn’t be the first time he’d pleasured himself in a room where the only other occupant was sleeping (or dead -- and in this case he’d hit the lucky jackpot, as Noctis was _technically both_ ). He took a seat on the couch across from the King, carefully pulled his dick out from his pants, and set about building up a steady rhythm of strokes from tip to base…  
  
  
\-------------------------  
  
  
Noct woke some time later, his mouth as arid as the sand in Leide. The fire in the hearth had long since burned out. At first he couldn’t quite piece together what had happened -- his memories were a blurry mess. But then his eyes began to focus, and they came into focus on the man dozing on the couch across from him, who was shirtless, with his pants unzipped.  
  
As his vision cleared, so did his recollection of _why_ Ardyn was half-naked.  
  
At first he was mildly alarmed. If he hadn’t been drunk, he never would have…right? He touched his lips, remembering what it had felt like to kiss someone whose life had been so like his own -- someone who _understood_ the burden of having been Chosen Lucian Royalty. Maybe they both had just been craving the intimacy of understanding -- of __connection.  
  
He got up from his seat on the couch, where it felt like he’d been sitting for years, and crossed to the couch on the other side. He closed his eyes and concentrated for a moment, calling forth a soft, black blanket, that he used to cover up the Chancellor. He hovered over Ardyn momentarily, then pressed a gentle kiss to the man’s forehead and left him to slumber while he went to check on Luna.


End file.
